Meet+The+Players

So, we decided since we have a Staff page, that we also needed a Players page. So, without further ado, lets //__**MEET THE PLAYERS!**__//

(Some NSFW comments may exist)

__**AnthemOfTheWorld** __: an inveterate gambler and benign busybody. He is a friend to all of us and a queen of the United States navy. One of the more promiscuous channel surfers, he is likely to be a member of your most secret chambers. Apart from having invested an incautious amount of money into his character, most of his gains have stemmed from his completely bullshit luck when rolling in pub. He maintains the Fails of Lyrania page which, implausibly, is not a collection of his own musings.

__**Balamur **__: A veteran of main awash in debt and punishing auto loans. He has made steady progress over the years. Sadly, no one laughs at his jokes or notices when he's not around.

__**Bunny** __: a bubbly and sometimes intoxicated visitor to main. She is a frequent recipient of affectionate and carrot-themed whispers from Cyberthrope. She fell in love with You, a Dutch douchebag and presumed adult vitally dependant on his parents, before thinking better of it. She has borne well this failed online romance and returned to being lusty and flirtatious.

**__Burgerwcheese__**: a cetaceous and electrifying presence on any incremental browser game, his purchases, like his pendulous reproductive appendage, are sure to awe players. His numerous targeted market transactions are a catalyst for even the most molassified economy. Veteran players, who have given years of their lives to Lyrania, sneer as Burgerwcheese effortlessly presses far beyond their personal achievements. Game owners attach themselves closely to him, cultivating his friendship, bending rules in his favor, and sometimes manipulating the game environment to his wishes. The December 1, 2017 script and bot sting removed Burgerwcheese from the game. On this occasion Nitemare, one must imagine, pleaded for forgiveness, reassuring Burgerwcheese that his removal would last no more than thirty days and that, upon his return, untold digital riches would be waiting. His spot in High Times remains secure.

__**ChivasRegal** __: an infamous flat-earther and conspiracy hound. A mainstay of chat, if not in person then as an imagined foe. He and his views were once a persistent subject of debate. We are all better for having progressed beyond that dark period of Lyrania’s past. It was as if the trolls, demonstrating those unique attributes of the newest era of online interraction, were furiously bent on getting their frothy mouths around the ends of their own prolapsed assholes.

__**CommieFrancis**__: squanderer of countless talents and a true loather of the self, he neglects the obligations bearing down on him as moderator in favor of satanic shitposting in main. He is an unrepentant libtard who suffered a traumatic brain injury as a result of the 2016 presidential election. You may know him as fstopfitzgerald or perhaps as AndreiDorkovsky. With a nearly perfect lack of absorption or bemusement, he plays Lyrania with unparalleled detachment, fully aware of his vices which, in life, have lead him to his pathetic condition of solitude and digital addiction. Every summer, however, he breaks free and, without notice, abandons the game for a few months. Each of us hope, for his sake and, vicariously, for the sake of ourselves, that he never returns. Francis, go forth and lead the life that we, hobbled by a consuming selfhatred, dare not.

__**Cyberthrope** __: cherished anointer of progress. There was once a time when few milestones or globals passed without acknowledgement from Cyberthrope (formerly known as descendz). Tirelessly he affirmed the achievements and global drops of all players, and did so without a nod or kind word from those blessed by his touch.

__**Deth** __: leader of the top guild, High Times, and venerable lord of Lyrania. It is said that Deth has enough autos to last a full day. He is the first to breach 1,000,000 levels. Players are too busy applying for membership in High Times or furiously rubbing their loins to the thought of Deth’s digital manhood to notice that his guild consistently abets cheaters and botters.

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**Falaloon** __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">: a tragic figure who revels in spite. The most reviled admin of Lyrania. During his brief and controversial stint as an admin the game enjoyed more updates than it had seen in years. Yet Falaloon was ousted by the great unwashed and met with resistance even among his game staff colleagues. With a sphincter still tender from the demotion, he never fails to remind members of main that they are trash; and main, as if in unison, gnashes its teeth and curses the father of the game elements which have added so much to Lyrania. It is rumored that he serves clandestinely as one of Nitemare’s coding minions.

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**glanv** __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">: a rampant panty-dampener and Jedi chatbot who many refer to as the “Shakespeare of Lyr.” He is a sordid fellow who, on occasion, can be seen in main encouraging innocent players to climb into his van. For what purpose we are left to imagine.

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**Graywolf** __: <span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">friend of Nitemare and very elderly retired Wallstreet tycoon. He has contributed the most money in the game and his place on the leaderboard is sure to remain secure. Little time passes between Graywolf's massive token purchases at which point main, as though transformed into a cluster of smudged orphans, erupts with gratitude and admiration. Once, many years ago, he served in the navy; and his experience, including his presence at many worldhistorical events of the past, has given him tremendous insight into the history of the United States.

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**haruayame** __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">: randy transitioning Alabamian barmaid and grifting Motel 6 denizen, she has named herself after Chris Farley's character in Beverly Hills Ninja. Fond of naps and her oily motel bedsheets, her main contribution to chat, aside from raunchily suggestive posts, are comments and questions designed to elicit affirmation of her choice to stay in bed all day. When aroused from her slumber she, carless and with mature financial deliberation, spends all her bar tips on food deliveries and Ubering to grab takeout.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**hctibavonos**__: spreadsheet savant and lone developer of the dependable and rightly famous lyrcalc (accessible from his profile). He has reverse engineered virtually every algorithmic intricacy of Lyrania. We hope he will issue a lyrcalc lite which prioritizes ease of use over comprehensiveness. Surprisingly, his knowledge of the game has not aided his actual game progression. Here we see that, for him, gameplay fulfillment takes a malign form. His desire is to kill the heart and soul of the game by spreading a calculative infirmity among the playerbase: spreadsheet efficiency. The Lyrania community, fortunately, lacks the autistic obsessions, not to mention basic spreadsheet competency, that might otherwise facilitate his evil program.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**Hikari**__: artist extraordinaire and rabid pet enthusiast. She struck a bargain with Falaloon to provide vivid representations of Lyranian characters for use in our profiles. Hikari, paid in game currency, came out on top since, clearly, she passed the chore onto an unknown toddler who, tightly fastened to a chair as she left to work a fry shift at Arby's, had its face glued to a mouse while Microsoft paint was open. Rather than progress in the game she is determined to collect all available pets and level each of them to 100 whereupon, she believes, a chainmailed nerd purporting to be a man will emerge from her computer and firmly embrace her for an eternity. Is AnthemOfTheWorld that nerd? Some say it is.

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**Jet** __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">: spiritual leader of The Pantheon, a three guild consortium (Acropolis TP, Tartarus TP, and Lemnos TP) whose design strongly mitigates against all progress in Lyrania. Known for buying all available Spent Rocket Cases, Jet is an otherwise quiet member of the game. He broke character as an aircraft, however, when, on the forum, he complained about being temporarily banned for cheating on Pandora’s Boxers Scratchoff Cards. How he managed that remains an aeronautical enigma.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**Keith**__: leader of MRN. A beloved albeit besmirched former community who, at his prime, valiantly chastised the admins for neglecting the game and the players. A hero of the people. As community, he famously threw a 100m jade rain in protest of game staff and, it is rumored, resigned his post in opposition to the ascendance of his nemesis, Falaloon. Keith may be seen in main offering low level maps and miscellaneous jewelry to fledgling scrubs. He maps zealously, powered by his multiple sclerosis.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**Ladyarwen**__: a sports and NASCAR fiend who easily achieves orgasm. As community, she generously pours jade across all actions in celebration of athletic feats and car crashes. She also uses jade rains to honor the lives lost to natural disasters or mass shootings. But only the first such event of the year. Those who die beyond this point, as terrible as it may be, lose their lives in vain. Not often seen in conversation. She is most likely afk in Indiana escorting her elderly mother to a live country music

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**Lazarus**__: vinegary and listless Lithuanian troll of main and shining jewel of his grandmother's rapidly declining mind. Voted most likely to vanish as a result of suicide. He was nearly permabanned by Keith because of his persistently racist and misogynist comments. Few knew that Lazarus, underneath this meticulously crafted and revolting online personae, was a humble, compassionate, and utterly approachable individual. Secretly, through mails and wires, Lazarus generously supported fledgling members of the community. In rare moments he spoke unabashedly about his feelings and his life experiences and, truth be told, genuinely listened to others. Lazarus, having lately immigrated to the United Kingdom in search of work, rarely plays. With Lazarus's gradual departure and Ledzer, who was at one time nearly indistinguishable from Lazarus, having already left the game, we can now see that this respectable era of trolldom is in its twilight.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**Ledzer**__: Israeli Lothario and symbol of the staff's complete disregard for the playerbase. His own mother refuses to kiss him. Once a troll of main, wry and wedded to Lyrania, he is now a community who rarely plays. Credited with having devised the absolute worst games for bringing good cheer to main, he has shamefully avoided the game in favor of philandering with easy women found through mobile apps. He is most well known for being Mikya’s spouse.


 * __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">Luner __**: <span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">an experienced player, a rollshark of pub, and a member of High Times. He is, curiously, the only player to repeatedly win against AnthemOfTheWorld. He quit the game in the summer of 2017, leaving behind an impressive 32m jaderain. Glutted with jade, we wished him well in his endeavors and, soon after, hungrily wished for the retirement of yet another big player. Later he confessed that he had been botting. Luner, furthermore, unburdened himself of the fact that, upon leaving the game, he sold his account. The one who bought Luner's account, which as of this date remains safely ensconced in High Times, adopted the name peyote. On December 1, 2017, a botting and scripting sting lead by the game developers brought down peyote and 36 other cheaters. This group of untrustworthy rapscallions received a ban of thirty days. All are agreed that justice was served in excess.

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**Mikya** __**:** <span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">known among those closest to her as "hellbeast." Although fated to become a forsaken catlady, she has, out of incomprehensible coldness, repelled all animal life and become herself a dessicated digital hoarder. A very private person who takes orgasmic pleasure from posting screenshots of her inventory. Mikya is known on many incremental browser games for her monomaniacal lumber production. If it were not for her modship here in Lyrania and Ledzer, a fellow moderator and her only source of warmth, Mikya would descend into her cluttered inventory like a sarcophagus.

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**Mishatu** __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">: a stabby and voluptuous vixen. She is frequently seen in main attempting to seduce Nitemare. When her feminine and at times pharmaceutical wiles fail, as they often do, she preys upon those around her, slashing her knife at the entire channel. Best described as a nun with a raging libido, she is, though heated passions may surge through her body, an incorrigible blueballer.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**Nitemare**__: owner of Lyrania and heavy drug user. He rules with crushing jade rains, offensively bright ranks, and by enabling the worst in Lyranian culture. A compulsive lover, his sexual conquests are countless. He prizes the fact, as he once admited to main, that he fucked his black roommate’s girlfriend. Lyreal, former owner of Lyrania, bequeathed to Nitemare an invidious tangle of shoddy code. With great effort Nitemare and his developer minions have forced updates out and through what was once a barren womb.

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**Nosferatu** __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">: a disgraced admin permabanned for abusing his power. His constant clashes with Falaloon drove him to undertake a slow-burning ragequit during which he gave himself and his friends a mountain of platinum and jade for purposes of advancing in Lyrania and crosstrading into other games. As fate would have it, Nosferatu, with abandon, crosstraded into the quickly-decommissioned LSDRPG. Later it was revealed that his coding ability left much to be desired and that Falaloon, seeking to drive him out of gamestaff, deftly applied pressure as only he can, needling and chafing where Nosferatu was most vulnerable. A healthy unaborted baby had been brought into the Nos household without Falaloon's permission. But Nos returned, it seemed, when, during the Christmas 2016 event, the admins, using Nosferatu's character, posted an ad in trade for a new game, Freerania.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**OneGiantBeastmaster**__: rumored to be nearly eight feet tall, OGB is the largest member of the sedentary and chair-bending Lyranian community. In addition to running ads in trade overcharging for jewelry, he is singlehandedly responsible for the drastic jade price inflation of 2017. During the course of the year he bought up all available jade, repeatedly clearing out the sellers market, to the point of exceeding 100m jade in his personal coffers. Investing this quantity of jade in sync with an elevated JOAJ promotion shot his CHC, CHD, and Heroism to a game-breaking 1000% each. Jade prices, which, in days of yore, once stayed around 2g50s, are now not likely to ever sink much below 5g ever again.

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**Pickles** __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">: fabled camming matron and recovering alcoholic. She can be found in main making gentile conversation. She has been subject to countless criticisms and has endured many rumors about her online escapades. But her personality, warm and motherly, is sure to win them over in the end. Unless she finds her way to main in another bout of drunkenness.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**ReginaMills**__: one of the most talented souls to grace main. She never grew weary of mentioning her AP highschool courses, directly quoting Wikipedia at length, her pansexuality, and her acting gig as a volunteer in a haunted house. Most well known for committing herself to five quests per mob. Fruitlessly, main devoted hours to challenging her playstyle.


 * __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">Sairek __**: <span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">a farflung Canadian youth who is, supposedly, homeschooled. Severely neglected by his caregivers and by his community at large, Sairek, at any given time, has at least one severe medical condition for which he receives no treatment apart from what little nourishment can be drawn from loneliness and damp despair. Recently, in a moment of ecstasy, Sairek discovered that his keyboard has a flap on each of the rearmost corners. Such is his diminished life. His greatest enemy and source of sheer terror is his young cousin who pesters him and disturbs his gameplay. Please, if you're reading this, contact the appropriate Canadian authorities on his behalf.

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**samfireballkat** __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">: otherkin and inventor of the snugglepounce. A kind and gentle child who, for reasons unknown, has nearly vanished from the game. When he is online you can be sure to receive an affectionate if not perverted whisper.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**Shadowofjinxs**__: an angelic fairy and inspiring diarist of main. Affectionately known as Jinx, he has been subject to a punishing degree of ridicule for simply being who he is. Any other player, upon exposure to such causticity, would have either vaporized or ragequit. But Jinx, to his credit, has shown no sign of weakness and has embraced all his detractors, stretching his anus to envelope and quash their throbbing insul ts.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**SolomonGrundy**__: cat lover, leader of The Pantsless Guild, and, going by his suspiciously high daily kills, a true Lyranian nolifer. One is tempted to think that SolomonGrundy, who has known no love and has avoided all social contact for decades, is nearing the final stages of a prolonged and masochistic self-mummification. He will be found one day, dry as a dessicated leaf, depressing enter in a personal map. He is, truth be told, a skilled mortician whose knee, incidentally, was repaired with cadaver flesh, an implant his body received with alacrity. One of the few traditional trolls left in main, his disturbed comments are sure to arouse discomfort. A memorable line from him concerned a new business venture, a Mexican restaurant combined with an abortion clinic: “Feed Us Fetus Fajitas.”

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">__**TwilightSparkle**__: leader of Cutie Mark Crusaders and openly flaming brony. He is a friendly and nearly unperturbable chap. He manages the wiki, patiently tolerating the indolence of his wiki collaborator, AnthemOfTheWorld. He holds the unofficial record for most marriages in game and most pictures of moist equestrian furburgers accidentally posted in main. His equipment names are noteworthy and perhaps a product of genius. He has renamed his weapons "Throbbing Horse Cock" and "Dripping Mare Cunt." And his armor pieces have been renamed "Ball Gag," "Latex Body Suit," "Wing Restrictor," "Spreader Bar," "Hoof Cuffs," "Sexy Knee Highs," and lastly "Leather Choker."

__<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">**Zeeeebomb** __<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">: leader of the perennially second-ranked guild, Anzac Cove, and actual Australian. An Ahab on the seas of Lyrania, his strategy as a guild leader has been to corral the most deeply invested nolifers and demented crosstraders--those players who, unsatisfied with kills, draw unto themselves every possible advantage short of outright cheating--in hopes of equaling High Times.

<span style="font-family: &#39;Times New Roman&#39;; font-size: medium;">Authored and maintained by glanv.

<span style="display: block; height: 1px; left: 0px; overflow: hidden; position: absolute; top: 1057px; width: 1px;"> TwilightSparkle: leader of Cutie Mark Crusaders and openly flaming brony. He is a friendly and nearly unperturbable chap. He manages the wiki, patiently tolerating the indolence of his wiki collaborator, AnthemOfTheWorld. He holds the unofficial record for most marriages in game and most pictures of moist equestrian furburgers accidentally posted in main. His equipment names are noteworthy and perhaps a product of genius. He has renamed his weapons “Throbbing Horse Cock” and “Dripping Mare Cunt.” And his armor pieces have been renamed “Ball Gag,” “Latex Body Suit,” “Wing Restrictor,” “